In all seriousness, I should post something that isn't a humorous breakdown of my wife's writing. How about this: here's the recipe for the greatest homemade CLIF-Bar inspired granola bar evar. A tip o' the hat goes to the Enlightened Cooking blog, where I found the recipe I tweaked to my tastes.
What's great about this recipe is how flexible it is. You can double it or mix and match ingredients as you like. I've been known to halve the chocolate chips and add chocolate protein powder right before dumping it into the pan. Next time I'm craving them, I'm going to replace the chocolate with dried cherries and maybe use walnuts instead of almonds. Get the recipe after the jump.
1 and 1/4 cups crisp rice cereal
1 cup uncooked quick-cooking oats
2 tablespoons ground flaxseed
2 tablespoons chia seeds
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/4 cup finely chopped nuts or seeds (I often use almonds, use whatever you have on hand)
1/3 cup brown rice syrup
1/2 cup peanut butter (preferably natural, well-stirred, but creamy is fine, too)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Combine the rice cereal, oats, flaxseed meal, chia seeds, and nuts in a large bowl.
Combine the syrup and nut butter in a small saucepan over medium heat, stirring until melted and well-blended (alternatively microwave in small microwave-safe bowl 30-60 seconds until melted). Stir in vanilla until blended.
Pour nut butter mixture over cereal mixture, stirring until coated (use a wooden spoon at first, then get your hands in it. It will be sticky, but this way you can really coat everything. Just scrape off your hands when you're done). Once the mixture has cooled a bit, stir in the chocolate chips.
Press mixture firmly into an 8-inch square pan (sprayed with nonstick cooking spray) using a large square of wax paper (use a rolling pin to really tamp it down). Cool in pan on a wire rack and chill at least 30 minutes to help it set. Cut into 12 bars. Use a ziplock bag to store the bars in the fridge.
As written, the bars have about 175 calories, 9g fat, 2g of fiber, 10g of sugar, and 5g of protein. Not bad for an afternoon pick-me-up, eh? I'll grab a few photos next time I'm gorging on them.